Boy. Again. A new little brother that Noah was oh so excited to hear about, squealing in his highest pitched voice. I have mixed feelings, as I expected I would. I have wanted a little girl always, and to see that it isn't going to happen broke me just a bit. I felt like we would have a third boy, that even though I was praying for a girl so hard, God was speaking back to me, saying,
'don't worry, you will be fine. I will give you what you want.' And although what I think I want is a girl, God knows more than me. He knows I want a third baby, a friend and sibling for my boys, another squishy baby who I can love and cherish. Is that a girl? It could be. But it could also be a boy, and I knew that was what God was telling me. With all this in my mind, I still felt sad, and then guilty for not being fully grateful for this blessing that He didn't have to give me. That others want so bad and can't have. I am praying through it, and feeling a lot better.
I feel like most of my sadness is gone, and I am loving the thought of what he could look like, another boy version of Jason and I. I am excited to see the boys with him, excited for him to get big enough to run around and play with them. We have a tentative name picked out, and I am happy I will get to use the onesie above, which I bought specifically for Asher's announcement photo, but lost, and of course found after he was too big to wear it. :)
3 comments:
I had 2 little boys and in my head the next two would be girls. I wanted little girls sooooo bad! Sisters, like I had. Then #3 was a boy...and #4 was a boy. The sadness melted after each baby was born. When you look at your new little baby boy, it's like you never imagined wanting anything else. Don't worry, I felt the same way you did, disappointed, but it goes away quickly! You might still always want that "girl" but you'll never want to change the little boy that is born!
oh you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm pretty sure we're done with two. and even though I've been expressing to Levi that maybe three sounds good, he's sticking firm. as you saw in my ultrasound pic, it's a 99% chance that it's a boy at this point and I'd be shocked if they said girl at our anatomy scan. part of me is a little broken, having had dreams of a mini me and all the girl fun we'd have. but then again, there's something so magical about brothers. pals for life. comrades! so I've gotten more used to it. but still.. sigh.
I think every girl dreams of having a little girl one day. I completely know how you feel. I was so glad I went to the gender ultrasound alone with Alwyn because after texting my husband and my mom that it was another boy I took a minute (or two or three) in my car of the hospital parking lot to cry. It's like the loss of a person - that little girl in your dreams.
I'd go broke with a girl though. All those adorable clothes! Plus, boys take care of their mamas when we get older. :) Can't wait to see your third little guy.
Post a Comment